Grief: How to Cope With Losing Someone, the Stages and Where to Get Support (UK)

Last updated: October 2026

Grief is the natural response to losing someone or something important to you. It can bring shock, deep sadness, anger, guilt, exhaustion and physical symptoms such as poor sleep and aches. There’s no right way or timetable to grieve. Talking, looking after the basics and support from others help, and charities such as Cruse offer free support.

This guide covers the signs of grief, the stages, physical symptoms, how to cope day to day, grief at Christmas and anniversaries, supporting someone who is grieving, and when grief needs extra help.

Signs and symptoms of grief

Grief affects everyone differently, and there’s no right or wrong way to feel. According to the NHS, common signs include:

• Shock and numbness, often the first reaction. People describe being “in a daze”.
• Overwhelming sadness and crying.
• Tiredness or exhaustion.
• Anger, towards the person who died, others, yourself or the situation.
• Guilt, about things said or unsaid, or for feeling relief or anger.

Other common experiences include anxiety, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, longing or searching for the person, and even briefly thinking you’ve seen or heard them. These feelings can come and go, and strong waves of emotion can arrive unexpectedly, sometimes triggered by a song, a smell or a date.

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The stages of grief

You’ll often hear that grief comes in five stages. The NHS describes them, but stresses that you may not go through all of them, they may not happen in order, and you may move back and forth between them.

Many bereavement experts now describe grief less as a set of stages and more as moving back and forth between focusing on the loss and focusing on rebuilding life. Both are normal and both are needed. Taking a break from grief, laughing or enjoying something, doesn’t mean you’ve stopped caring.

Another helpful way to picture it: grief doesn’t so much shrink as your life slowly grows around it. The loss stays the same size, but over time there’s more room for other things.

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Physical symptoms of grief

Grief is not only emotional. It’s also a major stress on the body, and physical symptoms are very common:

• Poor sleep, waking early or sleeping much more than usual. See insomnia and waking at 3am
• Exhaustion and low energy. See why am I always tired?
• Loss of appetite or comfort eating
• Aches, pains, headaches and tight muscles. See tension headaches
• A tight chest or racing heart
• Stomach upsets
• “Grief brain”: forgetfulness and trouble concentrating. See brain fog
• Catching colds more easily

See a GP if physical symptoms worry you, and call 999 for chest pain that spreads or feels heavy.

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How long does grief last?

There’s no set time. The most intense feelings often ease over the first months, but grief can last much longer, and it’s normal to feel waves of it for years, especially around birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. Many people find the second year hard too, once the support of the early months fades.

For a minority, grief stays intense and disabling for a long time. This is called prolonged grief disorder. A 2017 review estimated it affects around 1 in 10 bereaved adults. Signs include intense longing or preoccupation with the person most days, more than a year after the loss, along with feeling that life has no meaning, struggling to accept the death, or being unable to get on with daily life. It’s treatable, so talk to your GP.

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How to cope with grief

Let yourself grieve

• Allow the feelings. Crying, anger and numbness are all normal. Pushing them down tends to make them last longer.
• Grieve in your own way. Some people want to talk, others prefer to write, walk or keep busy.
• Take breaks from grief without guilt.
• Find ways to remember, such as a memory box, planting something, visiting a special place or writing a letter to the person. See journal prompts.

Talk and connect

• Talk about the person with family and friends.
• Accept help with practical things such as meals, shopping and paperwork.
• Try a bereavement group or charity. Cruse, At a Loss, and specialist charities for particular losses can help. Being with people who understand can be a big relief. See loneliness.

Look after the basics

• Try to eat regular meals, even small ones. See food and mood.
• Get outside and move a little each day. A short walk helps.
• Protect your sleep with a simple routine. See how to sleep better.
• Go easy on alcohol. It can numb feelings briefly but worsens sleep, mood and anxiety.
• Avoid big decisions, such as moving house, in the early months if you can.
• Calm your body when waves hit. Slow breathing and grounding can help. See box breathing and grounding techniques.

Some people find a warm evening drink a small comfort when sleep is hard. Our Magnesium Glycinate Sleep Complex is a caffeine-free berry drink with L-theanine, and magnesium contributes to normal psychological function and the reduction of tiredness and fatigue.

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Practical things to do after someone dies (UK)

The practical tasks after a death can feel overwhelming when you’re grieving. You don’t have to do them all at once, and family, friends and the funeral director can help. The gov.uk step-by-step guide explains everything. The main early steps are:

1. Get the death confirmed. A doctor or medical examiner confirms the cause of death. Sometimes a death is referred to a coroner, which can take longer.
2. Register the death. In England and Wales, register within 5 days of getting confirmation (8 days in Scotland). The registrar gives you the documents you need for the funeral.
3. Use Tell Us Once. In most cases, this free service lets you inform most government departments, such as HMRC, DWP and the DVLA, in one go.
4. Arrange the funeral. Check whether the person left wishes or a funeral plan. You can take time over decisions.
5. Deal with the estate. This means the person’s money, property and belongings, and it can wait until you feel ready to start.

You may be able to get financial help, such as Bereavement Support Payment if your husband, wife or civil partner died. Employees also have the right to reasonable time off to deal with an emergency involving a dependant, and many employers offer compassionate leave.

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Grief and sleep

Sleep problems are one of the most common effects of grief. You might struggle to fall asleep, wake in the early hours with your mind racing, dream about the person, or feel exhausted however long you sleep. Bedtime can be when you feel the loss most, because it’s quiet and there are no distractions.

• Keep a regular wake time, even if nights are broken.
• Get outside in daylight each morning.
• Have a gentle wind-down: a bath, a warm drink, a book or calming audio.
• If you can’t sleep, get up for a while and do something quiet in dim light rather than lying awake.
• Keep a notebook by the bed to write down thoughts and memories.
• Avoid using alcohol to get to sleep.

If poor sleep goes on for weeks, speak to your GP. See nightmares, anxiety at night and sleep deprivation.

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Different kinds of loss

Grief isn’t only about death. The NHS notes that people grieve other losses too, such as the end of a relationship, losing a job or a home, a diagnosis, a miscarriage, a pet, or a loved one changing through dementia.

• Sudden or traumatic deaths, including suicide, can bring shock, unanswered questions and trauma. Specialist support is available from charities such as Support after Suicide Partnership.
• Loss of a child or baby is one of the hardest losses. Charities such as The Compassionate Friends and Sands offer support from people who’ve been through it.
• Anticipatory grief is grieving before someone dies, for example during a long illness.
• Losing a pet can hurt deeply too. That grief is real and valid.
• Grief in children: children grieve in bursts and may seem fine one moment and upset the next. Honest, simple explanations help. Winston’s Wish supports bereaved children and families.

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Grief at Christmas and anniversaries

Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries can bring grief rushing back, even years later. The build-up is often harder than the day itself.

• Plan ahead and decide what feels manageable. It’s fine to change traditions or skip some.
• Include the person, such as lighting a candle, sharing stories or making their favourite dish.
• Have an exit plan for gatherings, and let someone know you might need a break.
• Say no to things that feel too much.
• Reach out. Cruse and Samaritans are open over the holidays.

See Christmas stress and sleeping well over Christmas.

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How to support someone who is grieving

• Say something. “I’m so sorry. I’m thinking of you” is enough. Silence can feel worse than imperfect words.
• Use the person’s name and share memories.
• Listen rather than trying to fix it. Avoid “they’re in a better place” or “everything happens for a reason”.
• Offer specific help: “I’m dropping a meal round on Thursday” works better than “let me know if you need anything”.
• Keep in touch after the funeral, and remember key dates. Support often drops away just when it’s most needed.
• Watch for signs they’re not coping, and gently suggest support.

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When to get help

Grief isn’t an illness, but it can lead to depression, anxiety or prolonged grief. See a GP if:

• you’re struggling to cope with daily life months after the loss
• you’ve felt very low for weeks and can’t enjoy anything. See low mood vs depression
• anxiety, panic or poor sleep are taking over. See how to deal with anxiety
• you’re drinking more to cope

Bereavement counselling is available through some GP practices, hospices and charities, and adults in England can refer themselves to NHS Talking Therapies. If you’re having thoughts of ending your life, call 999, Samaritans on 116 123, or NHS 111.

See also crying for no reason: why it happens and what helps.

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FAQs

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Sources

• NHS. Grief after bereavement or loss.
• Lundorff M et al (2017). Prevalence of prolonged grief disorder in adult bereavement: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Affective Disorders.
• Cruse Bereavement Support. cruse.org.uk.
• GOV.UK. What to do after someone dies.
• At a Loss. UK bereavement signposting.
• NHS. NHS Talking Therapies.

This guide is general information, not medical advice. Evopure makes the Magnesium Glycinate Sleep Complex.