Last updated: October 2026
Low self-esteem means having a mostly negative opinion of yourself: feeling not good enough, being very self-critical and doubting your abilities. It often starts in childhood and is kept going by negative thinking and avoidance. It can be improved. Challenging self-criticism, being kinder to yourself, trying things you avoid and CBT all help.
This guide covers the signs, the causes, low self-esteem vs low self-worth and confidence, signs in men and women, 12 ways to build self-esteem, how to help someone else, and when to get support.
Good to know: research following people from childhood to old age shows self-esteem usually rises through adulthood, peaking around 60. How you feel about yourself now is not fixed, and small, regular changes add up.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is the opinion you have of yourself. When it’s healthy, you generally feel positive about yourself, accept your flaws and feel able to cope with life’s ups and downs. When it’s low, you tend to see yourself and your life in a negative, critical light, and feel less able to take on challenges.
Everyone has days when they lack confidence. Low self-esteem becomes a problem when it is long-term and starts to affect your mood, relationships, work and willingness to try things. The NHS notes it can harm both your mental health and day-to-day life.
Signs of low self-esteem
How you think
- A harsh inner critic: “I’m useless”, “I always mess up”
- Focusing on your weaknesses and dismissing your strengths
- Putting successes down to luck and failures to yourself
- Comparing yourself unfavourably with others, especially on social media
- Feeling like a fraud. See imposter syndrome
How you feel
- Shame, guilt, sadness or embarrassment
- Anxiety about being judged. See social anxiety
- Feeling hurt by small criticisms
How you act
- Avoiding social situations, challenges and new things
- People-pleasing and struggling to say no
- Not standing up for yourself
- Perfectionism, or not starting things for fear of failing
- Needing lots of reassurance
- Not looking after yourself
Self-esteem vs self-worth vs confidence
These words are often used interchangeably, but there are useful differences.
| Term | What it means | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Self-esteem | Your overall opinion of yourself | “I’m generally a decent, capable person” |
| Self-worth | A deeper sense that you deserve love and respect, whatever you achieve | “I matter, even when I fail” |
| Self-confidence | Belief in your ability to do specific things | “I can give this presentation” |
| Self-compassion | Treating yourself kindly when things go wrong | “That was hard. Anyone would struggle” |
You can be confident in one area, such as your job, and still have low self-esteem overall. Building self-compassion is one of the most useful ways to strengthen self-worth, because it doesn’t depend on getting everything right.
What causes low self-esteem?
According to the NHS, low self-esteem often begins in childhood, from messages we pick up from parents, teachers, friends, siblings and the media. Common causes include:
- Critical, distant or demanding parents or carers
- Bullying at school, work or online
- Struggling at school, or being compared with siblings
- Abuse or trauma
- Stressful life events such as a break-up, job loss, illness or bereavement
- Ongoing stress, money problems or loneliness. See loneliness
- Body image pressures and social media
- Mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety. See low mood vs depression
- Personality: being prone to negative thinking or setting impossibly high standards
How low self-esteem keeps itself going
Low self-esteem tends to be self-reinforcing. A common cycle looks like this:
- You hold a core belief, such as “I’m not good enough”.
- A situation comes up, such as being asked to speak in a meeting.
- You predict the worst: “I’ll make a fool of myself.”
- You avoid it, over-prepare or hold back.
- You never get to find out you’d have coped, so the belief stays put, or you put any success down to luck.
The NHS describes this too: avoiding challenges feels safe in the short term but backfires, because it teaches you that the only way to cope is to avoid. Breaking the cycle means gently testing your predictions.
Low self-esteem in men and women
In men
Men are often taught to hide self-doubt. Low self-esteem may show up as irritability, overworking, competitiveness, drinking more, avoiding emotional conversations or tying all their worth to work, money or the gym. See stress in men.
In women
Women more often report low body image and comparison with others, people-pleasing and perfectionism. Life stages can affect self-esteem too, including pregnancy, becoming a mum, the perimenopause and menopause. See perimenopause symptoms and the mental load.
12 ways to build self-esteem
Change how you talk to yourself
- Notice your inner critic. Write down the critical thoughts you have in a day. Seeing them on paper makes them easier to question.
- Challenge the thoughts. Ask: “What’s the evidence? What would I say to a friend who thought this?” Then write a fairer, more balanced version.
- Practise self-compassion. When something goes wrong, speak to yourself as you would a good friend. A 2012 review found a strong link between more self-compassion and lower levels of anxiety, depression and stress.
- Keep a daily positives diary. Write three things you did well or that went right each day, however small. Over time, this balances out the bias towards the negative.
- List your strengths and qualities. Ask people who know you well to add to it.
Change what you do
- Try things you’ve been avoiding, starting small. Each time you cope, you collect evidence against the old belief.
- Learn to say no. Start with low-stakes situations. Assertiveness is a skill you can practise.
- Set small, achievable goals and notice when you meet them. See how to get motivated.
- Spend time with people who are good for you, and less with those who put you down.
- Limit comparison. Unfollow accounts that make you feel worse.
Look after yourself
- Move your body for how it makes you feel, not how it looks. Regular exercise supports mood. See healthy habits.
- Protect your sleep and basics. Everything feels harder when you’re exhausted. See how to sleep better, self-care ideas and journal prompts.
A small daily ritual can be a nice way to show yourself some care. Our Magnesium Glycinate Sleep Complex is a berry evening drink with L-theanine, and magnesium contributes to normal psychological function and to the reduction of tiredness and fatigue. Some people take our Flow CBD Oil, with ashwagandha and maca, as part of their morning routine. The FSA’s 10mg a day figure for CBD is precautionary advice rather than a legal limit, set while longer-term safety research continues. At Evopure we think it is a very cautious figure, and many adults use more. If you go above it, increase slowly, and check with your GP or pharmacist first if you take any medication.
Body image, social media and self-esteem
Body image
How you feel about your body is closely tied to how you feel about yourself overall. Constant criticism of your appearance, by yourself or others, chips away at self-esteem. Try to:
- notice and question harsh thoughts about your body, just as you would other self-criticism
- focus on what your body can do, such as walk, carry, hug and heal, rather than only how it looks
- wear clothes that are comfortable now, not the size you think you should be
- avoid talking negatively about your own or other people’s bodies, especially around children
If worries about your appearance take up hours of your day, or you’re restricting food, bingeing or making yourself sick, speak to your GP or contact Beat, the UK eating disorder charity.
Social media
Social media shows edited highlights, filtered photos and other people’s best moments, and it’s easy to compare your everyday life to them. If scrolling leaves you feeling worse:
- unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel inadequate
- follow accounts that are realistic, kind or genuinely useful
- set time limits or keep your phone out of the bedroom
- notice how you feel before and after scrolling
See dopamine detox and how to stop overthinking.
Low self-esteem at work and in relationships
At work
Low self-esteem can stop you applying for promotions, speaking up in meetings or asking for a pay rise. It can also lead to overworking to prove yourself, which risks burnout. Try keeping a “wins” folder of positive feedback and achievements, preparing one point to say in each meeting, and asking for feedback in a structured way rather than assuming the worst.
In relationships
You might struggle to believe a partner really likes you, need a lot of reassurance, feel jealous, or stay in relationships that aren’t good for you because you feel you don’t deserve better. Building self-worth outside the relationship, through friends, interests and your own goals, helps. If a partner regularly criticises, controls or belittles you, that is not your fault, and support is available from organisations such as Refuge and the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247).
Therapy for low self-esteem
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is the most studied approach. It helps you identify the core beliefs behind low self-esteem, challenge negative thinking and test out new ways of behaving. A 2018 review of 8 studies found weekly CBT sessions based on psychologist Melanie Fennell’s model of low self-esteem led to large improvements in self-esteem. Compassion-focused therapy and counselling can also help.
Adults in England can refer themselves to NHS Talking Therapies, especially if low self-esteem comes with anxiety or depression. Self-help books based on CBT can be a good starting point too, and some are available free from libraries through the Reading Well scheme.
How to help someone with low self-esteem
- Give specific praise. “You handled that really calmly” lands better than “you’re great”.
- Don’t argue with their self-criticism endlessly. Gently ask what they’d say to a friend.
- Encourage small steps rather than pushing big changes.
- Spend time together doing things they enjoy.
- Suggest support if it’s affecting their mood or life.
When to get help
See a GP or refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies if low self-esteem is affecting your mood, relationships or work, or if self-help isn’t working. If you are thinking about harming yourself, call 999, NHS 111, Samaritans on 116 123, or text SHOUT to 85258. For anxiety, see how to deal with anxiety.
For more on saying no, see people pleasing: how to stop.
FAQs
What are the signs of low self-esteem?
A harsh inner critic, focusing on weaknesses, comparing yourself to others, avoiding challenges, people-pleasing, struggling to say no and needing lots of reassurance.
What causes low self-esteem?
It often starts in childhood, from criticism, bullying or difficult experiences. Stress, life events, relationships, social media and depression or anxiety can all play a part.
How can I build my self-esteem?
Challenge your self-critical thoughts, practise self-compassion, note what goes well each day, try things you avoid in small steps, learn to say no and look after your sleep and health.
What is the difference between self-esteem and confidence?
Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself. Confidence is belief in your ability to do particular things. You can be confident at work but still have low self-esteem.
What is the best therapy for low self-esteem?
CBT is the most studied therapy for low self-esteem. Compassion-focused therapy and counselling can also help. Adults in England can refer themselves to NHS Talking Therapies.
Can low self-esteem cause depression?
Low self-esteem and depression are closely linked and can feed each other. If you’ve felt low for more than two weeks, see a GP.
Sources
- NHS. Raising low self-esteem.
- Orth U et al (2018). Development of self-esteem from age 4 to 94 years: a meta-analysis of longitudinal studies. Psychological Bulletin.
- Kolubinski DC et al (2018). A systematic review and meta-analysis of CBT interventions based on the Fennell model of low self-esteem. Psychiatry Research.
- MacBeth A, Gumley A (2012). Exploring compassion: a meta-analysis of the association between self-compassion and psychopathology. Clinical Psychology Review.
- NHS. 5 steps to mental wellbeing.
This guide is general information, not medical advice. Evopure makes the Magnesium Glycinate Sleep Complex and Flow CBD Oil.
